by Illysa Foster
Browsing the research on single parenting that has been published over the past twenty years, I have confirmed two obvious disappointments: single parents have not and still do not have the social support that is necessary for their children's developmental needs, and there still remains a stigma for single parents and their kids. This sounds bleak, unfair, and unrepresentative of some personal accounts. Sometimes, it is desirable to deny the underlying truth in this message. But when you open your eyes and see the realities of women raising their children in poverty, the obvious lack of compassion in the federal, state and local politics, and the numerous social service projects that are struggling for funding, you must confess that our culture still scorns single parents, leaving our offspring to fall to the clenches of a Darwinian survival-of-the-richest dynamic.
Yet, there is hope-all of US know it. We have power, knowledge, and drive to change the world for our kids and our selves. We have these things. We represent a variety of backgrounds, sexes, classes, religions, generations, ethnicities. Some of us have partners. Some have become grandparents. On these things we are divided, but this need not be the case. All of us have the experience of isolation, of wanting more than the powers-that-be see fit for our "type". It is our experience that makes us similar-that can bring us and our gifts together.
In the field of psychology, most would agree that we are who we are because of a combination of nature and nurture. We come into a body, a temperament. These things influence who we are today. But experience is what molds us, makes us unique, makes us whole. We are most like those who share similar experiences. As single parents, we have acres of common ground, and we are diverse. We can maximize our potentials, individually and collectively, if we connect and build this community.
My role in this effort is to dispense information. I want to build what social scientists call "social capitol" for single parents by supporting the Single Parents Network and educating people: my students at ACC, and any parents who desire more information about child development. It is evident that (generally) children of single parents have a more difficult time in some areas, but the differences are due to the disparities of income and social support between single and two-parent families. We can't change these factors immediately, but we can educate ourselves and this education can improve our lives if we use it wisely. This is a column for parents to share their experiences and gain knowledge from one another while building community. I will provide information and advise (when solicited).
To have your child development/parenting concerns addressed in this column contact Illysa Foster at Illysa@EV1.com or call the SPN @ 476-2906.