By Tomas "Mossy" Bateson
In today's society, there is a general tendency to associate the idea of "single father" with stereotypes like deadbeat dad, child support dodger or loser. More than once, on finding out I'm a single father, people have made comments like "I hope you make an effort to see your kid." Or "It's really important that you don't lose contact with you child as you move on with your life". Although there are a vast number of fathers that do not step up to their responsibility as a parent, there is also a significant number that do. The majority of children from single parent households tend to live with their mother. For a father that loves and cares for his children the prospect of being a single parent can be a very emotionally trying experience. The realization that you will rarely be the one that tucks them into bed at night, reads them their bedtime story, hear their joys and tribulations on a daily basis or band aids their boo boos when they get hurt, can lead to significant sense of loss and hopelessness. This sense of loss or hopelessness can be overwhelming at times, to the point where it would seem easier to just walk away from the responsibility of being a parent altogether. This sense of loss and hurt can lead to a desire to strike back or hurt the other parent for causing all this pain in your life. This may take the form of not living up to financial or parenting obligations or by demonstrating / verbalizing your anger with the other parent in front of your child. The person you ultimately hurt in your anger is the child you so desperately want to love, protect, inspire and guide. It is at these times of anger and frustration that it is important to remember what the purpose and responsibilities of parenting are. For me they are simple. To give your child everything in your power to live a full and fulfilled life. To give them the tools to be able to handle anything that might come their way. For them to know love. When you have determined what your personal mission is as a parent, think of the rewards, for striving to achieve those goals. The love from your child, their pride in you as a parent, their thanks for all you have done for them. But even if denied these acknowledgements, the simple knowledge that you have done everything in your power, under the circumstance surrounding you, to be the best possible parent that you could possibly be for that child. And knowing that you have prepared them as best you can to go into the world to discover, live their own dreams and guide their own families. For me, the greatest reward in life will be when my daughter remembers me, as the best possible father she could have had. And if for some strange reason she is not able to recognize that, it cannot be because it is not true. Men build libraries and monuments so that their name will not be forgotten but there is no greater tribute to the success of your existence than that of the generations that grow from you. You have within you the power to mold the destiny of these future generations. The confidence and love that you nourish in your child will determine how they will live their life and raise their children. The values you instill, good or bad, will be passed on through example to many generations after you. Build your monument and make it one to be proud of. Be a parent. Be a dad.
Tom Bateson is a single parent. Over the coming months he will be contributing articles with ideas and suggestions to help the parents that do not live with their children, establish and build strong and lasting bonds with their child. He can be contacted by email at Be_A_Dad@Hotmail.com.